When I started school I was being teased, bullied, punched in the stomach, hair pulled, and homework and money stolen from me. I felt alone, rejected, and abused. I had no friends or half of a friend, who would be kind to me until another one of her friends came then I was teased and told to leave.
My parents would send me during the summer to Vacation Bible Camp where I enjoyed making things and learning some Bible teaching on Jesus Christ and His love,
At the age of 16, I received Jesus into my heart and felt alive on the inside. I also felt the weight being lifted off my shoulders, it is hard to explain, I felt good. I did not understand it until much later in my life, because I did not read the Bible and only went to summer camp.
At the age of 18, still feeling alone, rejected, and abused, I met a man who asked me for marriage. He was good looking, he worked at the same place my mother worked, and he said he read the whole Bible from Genesis to Revelations, so I thought he was a child of God. I have not picked up a Bible to read like he did.
My parents and I were at the pastor's home waiting for my future husband when I kept hearing a voice, say "no". I would look around, but see no one saying this, so I thought I was getting the fear of leaving my parents. In my mind, I would not have my parents forever and here is someone that is not rejecting me, so I will never be alone.
My thoughts were wrong, just three months later he started physically, mentally, spiritually, and sexually abusing me in a city I have never been in. He would be drinking all day at work, then go to bars to all hours of the night, I was still alone and rejected. While he was gone at night I would hear someone trying to break in the apartment and I would get scared and say without thinking, "Lord help me" and the noise of a break-in would stop. When he would come home, several times I fought for my life, because he would put his hand over my noise and mouth and I could not breath during an abusive sex. While fighting for every breath I would hear this soft voice, "play dead", when I did he would let go, then he passed out from all the liquor he had drank, and I was able to breath again.
In the last month that I was with him we had two beautiful daughters, the first child was 7 and the second child was 3, and I was 8 months pregnant with our third daughter. My oldest daughter came in all excited and went to show her daddy all the cherries she picked from a tree in our small rented back yard. He grabbed her and started hitting her and I broke in to protect her. This was the first time he had ever started to hurt our children and I was not going to allow it.
Two weeks later, he was drunk and started hitting on me and trying to kill our unborn child. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around my stomach to protect her. He finally gave up beating me and started picking up the living room furniture tables and thrown them into the floor. Then he went into the kitchen and started emptying all the drawers and cabinets into the floor. I heard our two children crying and went into the hallway where they were, grabbed my purse and keys and sneaked out of the house and put them into the pickup truck for their protection. Before I got into the pickup he noticed us gone and looked outside and seen me and yelled, "not to come back for he would kill me". It was then I heard a small voice three times saying, "death do us part".
My children and I was now living in a safe place in my parents home. Looking in the ads for a job I noticed an ad Divorce, Widow, and Separated Club. I tried to ignored the ad, but my heart kept focusing on the ad. After 13 years of marriage abuse I felt unloved, unwanted, rejected, and withdrawn not trusting no one. My children and I went to check it out and everyone was friendly. They had free counseling twice a month and family outings once a week helping single parents with the cost of their children. My children and I was in this club for 9 years and our hearts were restored with love once again,
Years later, my children started moving out one by one having children and got married. I was alone again and started going to church and was in church for about 8 months when I started remembering the things my x-husband would say to me. I felt I was a failure and started crying and I cried out to God, "I am tired of being alone, everything he said must be true, I do not care to live like this any more, are you even real, and if you are, why did you not help me all my life? As soon as I said that I received the most gentle hug from an invisible God. His arms was wrapped around me until I calmed down and knew it was Him. The first time I felt true love, I did not want Him to let go.
The next day, I started to pray when the Lord told me that it was Him Who loved me with an everlasting love and drawn me to be His child. Jeremiah 31:3.
He continued to tell me:
- It was God who spoke "no" to me to warn me not to get married to this man
- It was God who protected me from the criminals in the big city trying to break in when I said a simple prayer
- It was God who spoke "play dead" rescuing me from near death through sexual abuse
- It was God who spoke, "death do us part" to free me from a failed marriage knowing I would leave when my life was threatened and he broke our marriage vow
- It was God who led me to the club to restore and healed our broken hearts
That is what God did for me, I know I could not do it on my own. God was with me through my entire life and I did not know Him and what He would do for me and my children. I did not know Him because I did not go to church, read the Bible, listen to biblical songs, or prayed.
That is why we can say in confidence; the Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:6, 8.
We all make right and wrong choices in our lives:
- I made a right choice to receive Jesus Christ, but made a wrong choice by not going to church, reading the word, and pray daily. I didn’t have the relationship/fellowship with Christ
- I made a wrong choice getting married and should of listen to my heart. I was a baby Christian and didn’t know God’s voice. God knows all things and knew him
- I made the right choice to go to the Divorce, Widow, Separate Club; it healed our spirit and soul
- I made the wrong choice by not taking my children to church to learn about our Father God and His Son Jesus Christ. I thank God for His word is truth and the love He has for people and for family, and He is correcting my mistakes
Will you make a right choice and believe with your heart that Jesus is Lord and Savior and ask Him into your heart to receive the forgiveness of sins and eternal life? God loves you and wants to take care of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment